Do We Need Relationship Help — Or Can We Fix This Ourselves?
If you’re stuck in the same patterns or things have been escalating, these are the most common questions people ask before reaching out.
How do we know if we actually need help, or if this is something we can fix ourselves?
Most couples can resolve small issues on their own.
The point to get help is when you notice the same arguments repeating, things escalating faster, or a growing sense of distance.
If you’ve tried to fix it and keep ending up in the same place, that’s usually the sign you need a different approach, not more effort.
What if my partner isn’t fully on board with doing this?
That’s very common. Couples rarely start equally motivated. What matters is whether at least one of you is willing to begin doing something different. Often, when one person changes how they show up, it shifts the dynamic enough that the other partner becomes more engaged.
How is this different from traditional couples therapy?
This work is more direct and structured. I use Relational Life Therapy (RLT), developed by Terry Real, which focuses on identifying the patterns you’re stuck in and actively changing them. Rather than just talking about how things feel, we look at what each of you is doing that keeps the dynamic going and shift that.
You’ll leave sessions with clear, practical ways to respond differently, not just more insight.
Are we too far gone for this to work?
Some couples are too far gone, but most aren’t as far as they think. What matters isn’t how bad things have gotten, but whether there’s still some willingness to engage and take responsibility. If both people are completely checked out, it’s difficult. If there’s still some investment, there’s usually something to work with.
What actually happens in a session with you?
We focus on what’s actually happening between you in real time. I’ll help you slow down the pattern you’re stuck in, point out what each of you is doing that keeps it going, and guide you toward a different way of responding. The goal is not just to understand the problem, but to actively shift it.
You can read more about how I work with couples.
If this sounds like your situation, the next step is a free 20-minute call to see if this is a good fit.